So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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