I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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