So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
