Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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