you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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