If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
