he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
