My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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