as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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