i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
