I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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