i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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