Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
