so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
