hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
