So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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