if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
