make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
