this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
