somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
