you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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