Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
