And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
