I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
