For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
