just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
