You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
