I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
