When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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