fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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