I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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