sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
