i think my tv is drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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