I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
