I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
