I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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