I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dicks are not precious.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
