The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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