Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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