soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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