so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
