You can't special order awesome
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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