At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
