Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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