cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
