he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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