My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
