All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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