White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
why do cheetos always look like penises
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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