sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
