did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Who died my cat blue again?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
