my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this just has baby written all over it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
