i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
