just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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