marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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