Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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