I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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