Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
